“I don’t like dentists!” Here is how you should respond
You probably have heard the same comment from your own patient or from your colleagues. Here is an example: you seat the patient, a 42-year-old woman, she turns to you and says glibly, “I don’t like dentists.” How should you respond?
This is obviously a gross negative generalization.
Misrepresentations and omissions of information need to be investigated. Not liking YOU, the dentist, whom she has never met before, does not accurately reflect what she wants to say or what she is really feeling towards you.
Start the interview with curious question as you cause her to reflect, by repeating her phrasing—“You don’t like dentists?”—with the expectation that she will elaborate. Most likely, she has had a previous bad experience, and your interest gives her an opportunity to elaborate on that and to better understand what she needs from you.
It is important to practice active listening and allow the patient who comes to the office with some negative expectations based on past situations to express their thoughts and feelings.
Therefore, you can show that perhaps you are different from a previous dentist with whom she had a negative experience, and you can communicate that you want this to be a more positive dental visit.
A previous dental experience has the potential of leaving the patient with a negative view of all dentists.
The goals in a situation in which someone enters the office with an already formed negative predisposition are to enhance communication, develop trust and rapport, and start a new chapter in this patient’s dental experience.
I have to agree with you. I hate dentists too. Swine dentists… you know of course that this statement is redundant. These two words mean the same thing I used to be terrified of dentists as a young person. Every morning I now awaken, and I look in the mirror, there he is. I know the dentist very well. In the morning particularly, he looks pretty awful. After a bit of polishing, he still is no shiny penny…. However, knowing how I feel about going, I can relate to how you feel about someone you see in front of you that you are just getting to know, and you have my full sympathy.
The advantage for you is that what you see before you is and has always been a profound sissy in the dental chair, likely formed by all of the abuse I received all of my life in places like this. Funny enough, at the age of 12 I was told by my main tormentor that my eye teeth were growing underneath my nose. This communicated to me in my limited pre-teen imagination that not only was I going to end up looking like some kind of monster from a horror B flick, but it was going to be really unpleasant. The only good news was my regular tormentor found the case to be well above his head and sent me to a specialist. The specialist was a bit of a surprise. He has a kind man, with gentle hands who recognized my fear and explained everything. He was so good at it he prepared my 12 yr old mind to accept significant surgery which surpassed anything I had to endure before, but with explanation and care, made it go smoother. I arose from the procedures able to endure them, there was little fear due to the awesome explanation and the gentle hands and constant asking for feedback (which gave me a sense of control throughout). I figured after this was all over that I could do anything in the hands of a dentist who spent the time to coach and help me through.
Years later, even after having to return to my original tormentor, I felt there was a grander way to provide dentisty without fear (or tormenting….)and I aspired to enter dental training.
Each patient is treated with my level of need for coaching as if it was me in the chair and you were providing the treatment. More time is added, and attention is given to comfort throughout, with you at the control of whether or not we proceed. As I mentioned I am the biggest sissy I have ever encountered. These techniques worked for me and I have found them to work on everyone else to confirm my hypothesis (young undeveloped children aside).
So my guarantee to you is you will be treated as I wish to be be treated in all circumstances. You have the ability to communicate your in-time experience as we proceed. You will have the ability to continue or stop the treatment at any time for any reason, and you will be monitored for any untoward and unintended discomfort by both myself and the assistant at all times especially with the use of high magnification microscopes (wonderful, but limited field of view for monitoring pressure and nuisance things apart from the working field. All three of us have a stop button to re-correct and comfort the situation. Remember, if I can do it you will find this easy. I promise.
Things usually go uneventfully once I explain these things in a relaxed setting (NOT THE RESTO session) either in a relaxed consult or in a prolonged presentation at the examination ( book longer exams with this in mind).
In conclusion, don’t deny the person’s fears. Try to align this with normal and agree with them under unknown circumstances it is entirely acceptable to be edgy. Develop relational equality and experiential equality. Be honest.. In my case it is easy. I am uncomfortable even now having dentistry done on me. I never forgot what they used to do, but I forgave them and realize that this is not how I will EVER practice. I understand how they got there, but I also understand how to get them out of it and provide modern care. Very few people will balk if you are honest. Try to deceive, and they will see right through you. This is a battle they have to win, and you have to be able to communicate truth that is helpful.
Remember always to do unto others as you would do unto you in every case. This ancient rule is inscribed in all of us, and is so rarely seen today in practice. Let’s choose to do it everytime.
After 35 years my sole response is “We are even,I don’t like patients”.
And just stand there with the biggest grin on my face. Makes me feel wonderful to say it. They either break out with a smile acknowledging that the ice has been broken, or they get up and leave.
In this way, I eliminate the “Nut Cases” and make life easier for myself.
What an appropriate topic given last weeks news event of the “killer Dentist ” Walter Palmer who killed the Lion named Cecil. The public reactivity was astounding. People were actually calling for Dr. Palmer to be hanged. Others were questioning his ethics as a dentist and still others want his dental practice shut down and for him to be moved out of town. Jimmy Kimmel referred to him as “some anal dentist”
We had patients in our office ask what I thought, because I am a dentist too. I replied that I do not know the facts of the case and really have no expertise in the matter as I am not a hunter. The fact that Palmer is a dentist is really not germane to the issue but does bring up an ugly truth, that many people choose to hate dentists.
Hate and fear are two of the reasons that people react with their lizard brain which is really only capable of either fighting or running away and this explains the reactions of the general public in this case. It also explains why patients say what they do about us, they are fearful.
I have practiced dentistry for 27 years and like you have struggled with challenging patients. Because I also offer IV sedation I treat many patients that other dentist do not want to treat. I treat many of the “nut cases” that Paul refers to.
What Paul wrote in his post was humorous and falls into the category of things I would like to say to a patient but would choose not to. A statement like “we are even, I don’t like patients” is also reactive and tantamount amount to saying f*%k you. It is also a reactive response to something seen as a personal attack. I would suggest that we take a higher road based on understanding and compassion in order to serve both our patients and ourselves better.
First we must understand that we are “doctors” and that our “role” is to always help our patients. Within the patients statement that “I hate dentists” is an opportunity to connect with them and understand them. I respond with “tell me more about that” Inevitably they then offer much information about past experiences, beliefs and feelings that we can then manage them better. My belief is that they do not hate me but rather hate what we do and what they perceive will happen to them typically based on past experience. They are not all nut cases. They are people with real feelings that need to be acknowledged with compassion.
When these patients start talking about their past experiences they often get emotional and even start to cry. They often then admit they do not hate me just their past dental experiences. Sometimes I hold their hand and say “its ok to feel this way and we do have techniques with which to help you”. They often calm down and say something like thank you for listening you are so nice. Now, that is when I feel good.
Yes I have difficult patients that I cannot treat but I do not make assumption about all patients like much of the general public has obviously made about dentists. I have learned to understand that I am not just a dentist but much more as a compassionate person. Dentistry is just my role and I choose to do it to the best of my human ability. This separation is critical to me not taking “anti dentite” (see Seinfield show) personally. Taking the hate and fear personally is going to make a dentist’s life so much more difficult and probably one of the major reasons some of our lives are troubled.
As dentists we have chosen a challenging and difficult profession and I hope through this forum we can help and support each other as true professional colleagues should.
Kindest Regards
Robert Wolanski
I agree that dental misconceptions need to be corrected. I’d imagine that by trying to build some type of client relationship will also improve business. I’d imagine that people are more likely to refer since they have the knowledge that the dentist cares about his patients.
I feel like it’s not that she doesn’t like the dentist as a person, she’s just afraid of what he does. Most dentists I have come across have been really personable and kind. Yet I’m still afraid of them.